an early night

Its great to see the folks every once in a while so I make the effort every couple of weeks to stop in for dinner. I enjoy the summer barbeques, the family simchas, Father's Day in New Jersey and Mother's Day on Long Island. I get phone calls from mother when she needs to check the voicemail on her old Nokia, make the spamographic advertisements on the old computer in Woodmere go away, from my sisters when they want to eat kosher on the East Side, and I do not hesitate to call if I should need anything. Like money for example.
This Passover, things got out of hand. Now, I know that things probably get out of hand for many people on Passover, possibly even most. There are simply too many issues in too small a space with too long until the food is served.
For me, it started months before the seder.
The family booked the yearly Pasover trip to Miami. There, we are fed many variations of matzah, matzah meal and jelly cookies until we feel that it is time for the daily "I'm gonna go walk this off" walk on the boardwalk from 40th Street down to South Beach. This contiues for 9 days and then we go home. In between the meals, for the kids and select adults, you can meet people from other hotels and hook-up on the beach possibly while enjoying a cup of potato vodka.
Anyway, this year I informed the family that I would not be joining them for the holiday. I had too much going on this year and I wanted some time to relax for a few days. It wasn't the fact that I would be spending the week without any real food, or even that I would be unable to check my email for four days. I simply did not want to leave New York for the better part of a week. I have things to do here. The family found this unacceptable. "How could you do this to mom and dad?" cried my sisters. "Its Passover. We don't understand." The parents were beside themselves. They simply and almost innocently couldn't get it. I had to choose between ruining their vacations and giving in to a precedent that could have a ripple effect and invade my time and space until the coming of mashiach.
Now, in most families, I assume, an invitation for a seder would require a person to get into the car, possibly leaving work early, take a shower, get dressed up a bit, uncrease the old yarmulke and enjoy a few hours of tradition with the family. Then leave. Leave. Go home. The family has no room anymore. The old bedroom has been turned into an office, a workout room, anything. The visitor has things to do, the visitee has to clean up and has things to do as well.
Not in an Orthodox Jewish family. We like to stay and we like when our guests stay. A long, long time. We don't mind that there are things to tend to, like watering plants, reading the paper, your life. Compounding that is the fact that not only do they want you to stay for 4 days, but you must also pretend like you are living before electricity was invented. And you can't leave in the middle, because you cant drive and if it was known that you were going to leave, it would have been better if you had not come in the first place.
This leaves the not as religious family member in quite a situation.
I chose to stay in New York.

More next time...